LITTLE JOHNNY BEST FUNNY JOKES OF ALL TIME

 
#1
Once physics teacher asked little Johnny.., "Give me an example for newton's third law." So little Johnny replied..,
"Whenever I open your notes, my eyes closes automatically."

#2

Once little Johnny fell in love with a girl so he asks his dad,
Johnny: “Daddy, I want to date this pretty girl and I'm in love with her.”
Dad: “That’s great my son! Who is she?”
Johnny: “She is Trista, the neighbor’s daughter.”
Dad: “Oh!, I wish you didn't know it. I have to tell you something my dear son, but you must promise me not to tell this to your mother. ..Trista is actually your sister.”
Johnny stunned and remained quite. But after one week..,
Johnny: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even more beautiful!”
Dad: “Well done my son! Who is she?”
Johnny: “It’s Christina, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Dad: “Oh no Johnny..!, Christina is also your sister.”
This went on for two months, and finally Johnny was so upset, he went straight to his mother crying.
Johnny: “Mom, I am so upset with dad! I fell in love with 8 girls and I can’t date any of them because dad keeps saying It's your sister.”
So, mother hugs him with affection and says.., “You can date any girls and he is not your father!” 

#3

Once teacher asked lil Johnny to count from 1 to 10. lil Johnny started counting.., 1,2,3,5,6,7,8,9,10. Teacher asks Johnny, where is four, you didn't count it! So Johnny replied, today in the morning news, "I heard that 4 died in road accident."

#4

Teacher says to the class does anyone know what they want to be when they grow up. Little Johnny blurts out “I am going to be a multi millionaire, I am going to have houses all over the world. I going to have a hot b*tch, I am going to give her an unlimited Visa card so she can shop as much as she wants. She will have full access to my private jet to fly anywhere she wants to go shopping. I am going to make sweet hot love to here 3 hours a day” The teacher doesn’t know what to say, but thinks, since he didn’t put up his hand and she didn’t call on him she won’t acknowledge him. Little Suzy puts her hand up so she calls on Suzy to say what she wants to be when she grows up and Suzy replies “Johnny’s B*tch!”

#5

Once teacher asked Johnny.., 

What is a bikini? 

So Johnny replied.., 

"Bikini is the outfit in which 90% of a girl's body

is visible! But still men's sight goes only on the 10% covered area!"

#6

A 15 year old boy comes home with a Porsche, and his parents began to yell and scream. 

“Where did you get that car?” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like this for fifteen dollars!?” They asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy, “don’t know her name— they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my goodness!” Gasped the mother, “she must be a child abuser! Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in her yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy she sold the Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why.

“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was really stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”

#7

Little Johnny once came back from school and told her mother.

"Mom, today I was beaten by teacher for something that I didn't do!" Then her mother exclaimed and said..,

Oh that's terrible sonny, I'm going to talk to your teacher tomorrow. So what was the thing that you didn't do?, asked her mother. Little Johnny replied, "My homework."

#8

One day in class, the teacher calls on Little Johnny and asks him to tell the class a story with a moral in it.

So Johnny says, “One day at the farm, a chicken and horse were playing together. The horse falls into quicksand, and he implores the chicken to go get the farmer. He can’t find him anywhere, so he jumps into his BMW, backs it up near the horse, throws a rope around the horse, and pulls him out.

The next day, they are playing together again, but this time the chicken falls into the quicksand. The chicken says, “Quick, go get the car and pull me out.”

The horse looks into the distance, and sees that the farmer has taken the car. So he straddles over the hole, the chicken grabs his penis, and the horse pulls him out.”

The teacher is confused. “Okay, Johnny, but what’s the moral of the story?” she says.

Johnny replies: “If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks…”

#9

Little Johnny came down to Breakfast.

His mom says, "What do you want for breakfast Johnny?"

Johnny Replies, "Just give me some fuckin' corn flakes!"

His mom, shocked at first, grabs the broom and begins to beat the shit out of little Johnny. Johnny screams for his life.

All the while Johnny's little brother Timmy witnesses all of this and is staring at Johnny who is now in the fetal position on the floor, sobbing.

His mother, still out of breath, looks up at Timmy.

"Well," says his mother, "What do you want for breakfast?"

Timmy says, "I don't know, but I sure as hell don't want no fuckin' corn flakes!"

#10

Little Johnny walked into class an hour late one morning.

His teacher asked, "Why are you so late today, Johnny?"

Little Johnny explained, "Well there was this little old lady outside looking everywhere for a $20 bill she had dropped. I was out there with her while she was searching for so long."

A bit surprised, the teacher tells him, "Well that was actually pretty kind of you to help her look for the money."

Little Johnny says, "Help her look for it? No ma'am, I couldn't take my foot off the fucking $20 bill until she left."